All I Need is YOU . . .

Left my fear by the side of the road. . . i don't want to be afraid anymore. . .
Hear You speak . . . please be that wishper. . .
Won't let go . . . please help me to not let go. . .
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray
Got every reason to be here again
Father's love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You

ALL I NEED IS YOU
ALL I NEED IS YOU LORD
IS YOU LORD!!!!

God, i can't do this on my own anymore, I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ON MY OWN ANYMORE!!! I'm tried of not feeling your love, i'm tried of getting in the way of your love, please Lord, i need you, i need you to come, and i need you to help me. You are my God, you have so much in store, and God i don't want to miss out on anything. Please come, and please help me. Please fill this empty part of my heart with your love, with your peace, with your comfort, please Lord, i need you.

ALL I NEED IS YOU
ALL I NEED IS YOU LORD
IS YOU LORD!!!!

Joy in the little things . . .

A new year has begun, meaning a new year of memories have begun. Some i'd rather push aside, some i'm glad i have. I walked onto campus for the first time, to be confronted by the one person who turned my world upside down last year. Now this wasn't this persons personal choice, but it came with their job, and i wish i could say that i didn't look at them differently because of it, but i do, i try not to, but i do. But it's getting better, it's not as gut wrenching as it was before, it's getting bearable to an extent now.

This semester we're talking about Phillippians and the whole theme of this book is joy - joy in the simple things. That is something i hadn't had for a while. But slowly it is coming back, slowly i find myself smiling and the stupid little things that i use to smile at before my life was changed. I'm able to laugh, and not feel guilty about it, and it's a laugh that isn't fake anymore, it's a laugh that is real, coming from deep in me, it's laugh's and smile's that have just been dying to get out, but i would hold in, but no more.

I was fighting it soo much, and then after talking with a close friend, i realized it was ok to let it go, that it was ok to stand there and let him and others love me. That i don't have to do this on my own anymore, there are people who are more then willing to help me out, more then willing to sit with me on the days when all i want to do is cry, or when all i want to do is talk about him, laugh about him, that no matter what, they are there, and they will alwayas be there along with God.

I wish i could say i was there, to the point where i was ok with what happened, but i'm not. I still have loads of questions, i still wish that it didn't happen, and that i had my brother with me, but each and everyday, i am learning more and more. I am learning how despite the pain i am feeling inside, i can still have joy, i can still laugh. The pain will never leave me, but as the days go on, with the help of my friends and God i am learning to bear it, and find joy in it.

And yet another new beginning . . .

another summer has come and gone, which means it's time for a new school year - a new beginning. heading into this year, i've tried to have a open mind, and be willing to do all that He wants me to do, but i'll be honest, i'm scared. last year brought so much, a lot of tears and a lot of struggles, and i'm afraid that this year is going to be the same. i'm trying to rest in the fact that i am being taken care of, that he has everything already planned out for me even before i think about doing it. he knows each and everything that is going to happen to me this year, and while its scary, it's also reassuring that in the end it will all work out, i just have to trust him.

this is a new beginning, this is a new day. and no matter what happens, at the end of the day, i am being taken care of. he will never leave my side. the world may leave me standing here a lot, but he won't. so as scared as i am for this year, if i go in him and trust in him, i will be fine.